Nurse 3D

2013
Directed by: Douglas Aarniokoski
Category: Horror

Here's the thing with Nurse 3D. You're either going to love it or hate it. No two ways about it. I have in fact, read some positive reviews for this. Me? I didn't particularly like this one at all. For me, with all it's creative marketing and subject matter, Nurse 3D and the team behind it missed the mark by a fucking mile. Read any synopsis and review and you have a misconception of what the film is supposed to be about, or "should" have been about, yet for some strange reason they felt the need to deviate drastically from that initial setup and go in a different direction, one that is not nearly as entertaining as the one they lead you to believe in the beginning.

* Spoilers
So here's the thing. You're led to believe Nurse 3D is a movie about a hot psycho nurse who lures cheating men with the promise of sex to their ultimate demise. See, that right there is a fantastic premise. It's a fun one and with that set up alone, you can do so much. I had actually envisioned a film where a psychotic sexy nurse just lured men one after another into some increasingly creative kills until she ultimately met her match. But in this particular film, that was not meant to be. Instead we get a film that starts off on the right path, for about 15 minutes, until it veers off into a different direction for the majority of the film's short running time and ends with an interesting blood bath to say the least, but not one that made up for the lack of gore or violence for the majority of the film. At least for me anyway. Throw in the fact that since this film was shot in 3D, the majority of the blood is CGI so they can have it thrown in your face, which only takes away from so much of the potential charm.

Entertainment wise, Nurse 3D is a dud for me. But it's not a total loss. Amazingly, the eclectic cast is pretty stellar for a film of this particular type. Not taking into consideration the familiar faces you'll know from TV shows and other low-budget films, seeing Judd Nelson in here as a sleazy head doctor and then Kathleen Turner in a cameo kinda blew my mind. And then there's the lead in this, Paz de la Huerta. I think the main reason most people will go into this is the chance to see de la Huerta nude, which she frequently is in this. I'll admit, the girl has a killer body, but overall she just doesn't do it for me. I've never actually seen her in anything else, but at least in this particular film, she's just terrible. Not sure if that's on purpose, or if she really is that strange in real life, but her line delivery is awful.

Another plus, Nurse 3D is shot surprisingly well by Douglas Aarniokoski, who's been working as a first assistant director since the early 90's with low-budget fare regularly transitioning to films like From Dusk Till Dawn before moving into directing full time with some low-budget films and television shows. So while the film lacks a "lot", it's at least visually competent. You can't say it looks like garbage. And as I mentioned before, the marketing promo's for this are remarkable. In fact, better than the actual film, which is a damn shame.

Final thoughts:
I'd pass on this one, unless you have a thing for Paz de la Huerta and want to see her naked. A missed opportunity on almost every level and extremely short by today's standards not even making it to a full hour and a half. But I think in this case, that's a good thing.